I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
