Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
