You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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