I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
