was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
