I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
