i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
