Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
