i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
if only i could text you this smell
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
