I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
