C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
