apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
