i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
