When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
