i think my tv is drunk
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
