Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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