im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
