haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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