i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
