Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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