i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
