I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
