The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
