Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
