Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
