I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
