areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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