I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
