I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
