dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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