WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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