I can't watch pbs sober anymore
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
