My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
