My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
