What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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