I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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