so explain again why im purple
no
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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