I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
