Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize