you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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