this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
