I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
