she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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