Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
