I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
