Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
