wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
we should paint friendship bongs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize