Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
