Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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