when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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