I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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