i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize