God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm too high and old for this...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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