I heard we made out
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
