we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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