somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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