I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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