he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize