Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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