It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
