I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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