my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
