I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
