i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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