I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This house was built for laser tag.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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