I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
