so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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