I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am naked and annoyed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
