So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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